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Loadshedding

by Evan Heird

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1.
Holler 03:54
2.
From the cold shores of Lake Michigan To the hot beaches of Cameroon, It doesn’t matter what place you can think of, I don’t care, I’d go anywhere with you. Remember getting lost in Jordan. Not having a map was a mistake. And don’t forget the Brussels airport. At least our cat did not escape. The airing of grievances in Foumban, Or a very long guided tour of the Louvre. Lost luggage in Menorca. I don’t care, I’ll go anywhere with you. Remember getting lost in Jordan. Didn’t have a map - what a mistake! And don’t forget the Douala airport. That was not our closest scrape. From the cold shores of Lake Michigan To the beaches of The Gambia and Cameroon, Hell, even locked down in Johannesburg, I don’t care, I’ll go anywhere with you.
3.
Tranquility 04:24
Is it just me Or are people both smarter and dumber than they used to be? Come with me I’ll regale you with tales of the highest degree. Warily I keep hoping that they’ll make a liar of me. Therapy Yeah, it keeps me from falling in holes that are too big to see. Free Of the worry of past insults, both real and perceived. Yes indeed I don’t have to keep blaming myself for the making of me. My tranquility still depends on me.
4.
Dad 02:43
Flying. A boat so fast it felt like flying. On the lake before first light, Just hoping for a bite, Wanting to make you proud of me. Riding. In your Bronco we’d go riding. I rode across the South with you, The world was just we two, Such warm and fading memories. I wish you were back here with me. I guess that’s nothing new. But I look on with envy, At folks that still have theirs, And it makes me think of you. Worry. You always calmed me when I’d worry. And I never had to dread, That you might kick me in the head, To make yourself feel manly. Sorry. I wish I’d told you I was sorry. Because I think it ev’ry day, And wish I’d found a way, To say it when you were around me. I wish that I’d lived with you - I was too weak to say. How I might have turned out With good instead of evil. But I’m still here today. I wish you were back here with me. I guess that’s nothing new. But I look on with envy, At folks that still have theirs, And it makes me think of you.
5.
Questions 04:18
Who can I blame when I’m down and my flame's almost out And I don’t like myself? Really no one else. That’s why I’m working on me. Why did I have such dread to start taking meds, was I worried That it would not help, Or was I maybe worried that it would? What was I doing just sitting and stewing, my mind brewing All kinds of bullshit? Was it worth it? Did I waste too much time? I wish I could forget things. Would I cry less if I could? I’ll keep on going like it’s nothing Whether or not I should. Where will we find an abode and a place to call home When we’re back in the USA? I’m counting days. Til we have a place of our own. When did I start worrying about what would exit my mouth Standing ‘round at a party? Do extroverts change Or is this anxiety? How do I get past the pain and regret of the words and events That haunt me still? I guess they always will, At least there’s therapy. Sometimes I wish I could forget things. Sometimes I don’t even try. And I’m not so good at forgiving, I’ve got damn good reasons why. But it ain’t too late to start living Before I have to say goodbye.
6.
Homesick 03:15
Not sure just who I am Or what I’m supposed to do. That didn’t stop me before, But before-me is out of view. 8,000 miles from home Or from where that used to be. I’ve gone so far ‘round the world. I’ve come so far to escape me. Not sure I know the trends. Eleven years have slipped through. Not sure I know my friends. Are we envelopes with no more glue? Distance is measured in miles, And time laid out in years. Another metric I’ve known Is the volume of my tears. Not sure just who I am Or what it is I’m supposed to do. That didn’t stop me before, But before-me is done and through. 8,000 miles from home Or from where that used to be. I’ve gone so far ‘round the world. I’ve come so far just to find me.
7.
Grocery Rag 02:49
8.
I did all his bidding, But I still knew the taste of the floor. No doubt he liked hitting; No need to even keep score. I think of that kid then And why he couldn’t just run out the door. It’s me I’m still kidding, And I can’t do this anymore. Façades are important, Our house always looked like a home. But wave goodbye to comp’ny, Then steel wrench against collar bone. This is not a eulogy, I’ll be as petty as I fucking please. He was a pile of garbage, And just singing that gives me some peace. Some wounds heal funny And some don’t heal at all. But despite all the hurtin’, I’ve decided to change how I fall. Now that’s done, I’ve done gone. Yeah, I’m done, Done and gone. After all, I’m still alive. Even though, I didn’t give myself five. Look at you – sympathy for one! I don’t need you, I am done and gone. After all, I’m still alive. Even though, I didn’t give myself five. It’s not a matter of who lost or won. I was there then, now I’m done and gone.

about

In the summer of 2020 while locked down in Johannesburg, South Africa and dealing with electrical grid load shedding I picked up the bass again, as well as a bunch of other instruments, and began to write and record songs as a form of musical therapy.

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released July 1, 2021

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Evan Heird Silver Spring, Maryland

I am a bassist by nature, traveling the world with my diplomat wife.

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