Questions

from Loadshedding by Evan Heird

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lyrics

Who can I blame when I’m down and my flame's almost out
And I don’t like myself?
Really no one else.
That’s why I’m working on me.

Why did I have such dread to start taking meds, was I worried
That it would not help,
Or was I maybe worried that it would?

What was I doing just sitting and stewing, my mind brewing
All kinds of bullshit?
Was it worth it?
Did I waste too much time?

I wish I could forget things.
Would I cry less if I could?
I’ll keep on going like it’s nothing
Whether or not I should.

Where will we find an abode and a place to call home
When we’re back in the USA?
I’m counting days.
Til we have a place of our own.

When did I start worrying about what would exit my mouth
Standing ‘round at a party?
Do extroverts change
Or is this anxiety?

How do I get past the pain and regret of the words and events
That haunt me still?
I guess they always will,
At least there’s therapy.

Sometimes I wish I could forget things.
Sometimes I don’t even try.
And I’m not so good at forgiving,
I’ve got damn good reasons why.
But it ain’t too late to start living
Before I have to say goodbye.

credits

from Loadshedding, released July 1, 2021

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about

Evan Heird Silver Spring, Maryland

I am a bassist by nature, traveling the world with my diplomat wife.

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